II.ix. Fast-Web

"All Italians are plunderers."
-Napoleon Bonaparte

I am not going to pretend in vain that I am a nineteenth century wanderer, doing a grand tour of the Italian peninsula. I am not Goethe or Byron. I don't live in a house by the Spanish steps like Keats or Shelley. I have passion, that is for sure: cartloads of it, and I would be the last to dispute that I don't quite live in the world of today. Nevertheless, the Modern World does seek me out, and sometimes I seek it out, else I wouldn't be writing this at all.
    I was bamboozled, the other day, while walking down Via Zamboni, into signing up to FastWeb, a startup Italian telecom company that is doing remarkably well. The woman who was searching for potential customers was obviously working on commission. Six months free Internet. Free phone calls. The whole package. She insisted that I sign myself up, and assured me that what I was signing was totally non-binding, that in a few days time I would receive a phone call and that then I could decide if I wanted the service or not.

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    This morning I did receive a phone call from FastWeb. I have paraphrased the following:
    "Mister, uhm, Hhhherman, this is FastWeb calling."
    "Yes, well, I have decided to not go ahead with it."
    "Really? Why not?"
    "Well, to be honest, it is too expensive."
    "Oh, but it is not expensive."
    "Well, for me it is."
    "No no no, I shall transfer you to our headquarters in Milan, they can speak to you there."
    "Really mam, I've decided not to do it."
    "Well, I have to transfer you. I am obliged to do so." After some time, another voice, this time male, with a slight Lombard accent, picked up.
    "Mr. Herman, what's this about not wanting to proceed with FastWeb?"
    "Well, sir, I have decided it is to expensive."
    "What do you mean it is too expensive?"
    "Well, I'm a student, I'm only here for a year, and for me it is too expensive."
    "But why did you sign up? What's the idea?"
    "Well, I was told that I could make my mind up later."
    "Fair enough, fair enough. How's about me make a deal- I give you a discount of 120 Euros, and you sign up?"
    "Well, no, really, I can just go to internet cafés and call shops. It is much cheaper."
    "Ok, ok, discount of 240 Euros." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was effectively a seventy five percent discount on the price of Internet for ten months. I had to accept, it only made sense.

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    So there you have it. I will soon be wired. I will soon be freed from the chains of Internet dependency, figurative ones, thanks to the wonders of wireless, or senza-fili, in a more correct Italian. It will no longer be necessary for me to drink coffees in front of the Hotel Métropole and mooch off their free signal. No more constantly having to visit Easy Internet Café, a soulless chain that is becoming ubiquitous in the New Europe. They have branches in the hippest of places, Schengen and beyond: Potsdammerplatz in Berlin, Rynek Glowny in Krakow, there is even a branch just next to the Duomo in Florence, right under the shadow of Giotto's bell-tower.